Many women will want to choose to portray the strong leader; to break the stereotype and move women further up through the glass ceiling.  However, I’ve found that approach does not always work.  It can intimidate people, causing them to immediately get defensive, which is counterproductive to getting anything done; or it is used as an example of why women can’t be successful – they’re just too headstrong!  On the other hand, if you allow people to think that you are lost and naive, your career may stagnate until you can prove that you are indeed an effective leader.  It is important to find the balance.

How can you find the balance? First, it is important to ‘know your audience’.  Is there someone in the office who falls into the stereotype of thinking that women belong at home while the men belong in the office? (trust me, they’re still out there)  Again, a typical knee-jerk reaction is to do everything in your power to ‘help’ that person understand that you deserve to be where you are, and that you do your job very well.  This can lead to many frustrated conversations that never seem to end the way you want them to.  Conversely, I have found it effective to ask that person for advice.  Present a problem to that person as something that you are really struggling with, and perhaps this person can help you find the right answer.  It’s not important whether or not the issue is a large issue, or even if it’s an issue that you couldn’t solve.  What is important is that you are giving that person the opportunity really take a look at you and to see what you really are, including the parts of you that don’t fit into their box.

Eventually, that person may come to see your leadership skills, determination, and effectiveness; despite the fact that at first, all they saw was a naive girl in a suit.

Abby Dryer, PMP is a Chicago-based Project Manager, specializing in system integration. She focuses much of her energy on team-building and morale – as a cohesive team with high morale can be a determining factor in the success or failure of a project. You can read more of her musings at http://pmbabble.wordpress.com/

This nomadic life gives me the opportunity to meet a lot of people from different countries and cultures. And trust me, when you dig deep enough, our cores are not that different. We have similar desires of wanting to be loved and wanting to make a difference. Our fears and our values are also very similar. Most of us value items like integrity, respect, and unconditional love. What is amazing is that we also have similar self-limiting mindsets, especially us women.

No matter where we live in this world, we have a tendency to doubt ourselves, to think of a million reasons why we shouldn’t do something because we are going to fail, or because people will judge us, or that this famous anonymous “they” might not like us anymore. Please STOP!!! Stop limiting your beauty, your uniqueness, your amazing-ness. You are failing even before you try or better said, DO. Don’t even try. Just go out there and do it!!

It is not about someone giving you permission, it is about you giving yourself permission and gathering the courage to go out there. It will never be the right time, nor will you ever have enough time, or money, the stars will never be aligned perfectly, or whatever other excuses we use to keep ourselves from taking action.

We are our own worst enemies.

I want to share one of my favorite Mark Twain quotes:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

I live by this quote and can tell you I have never regretted it. Yes, I have failed, looked like a fool and have run into roadblocks. It didn’t kill me. I just got back up, shook off the dust and went for it. And I am still going for it.

So I am challenging YOU to take action, leave the safe harbor, go out there and feel EMPOWERED to turn your dream in reality!!!

Simply by doing, you WILL be an inspiration to someone else. If you don’t feel empowered enough yet, feel free to drop me a note for some additional encouragement. I’m totally empowering YOU!!

Originally published on ProjectConnections.com

About 15 years ago a woman I barely knew, the wife of a coworker, was listening to me describe the challenges I faced as a project manager at Hewlett Packard. “You’re not using your feminine power!” she suddenly pronounced, as if she’d just discovered the cause of some mysterious chronic illness I’d been suffering from for a lifetime. My first reaction was, “Use my feminine power? I sure hope not!” Since I was obviously perplexed, she further explained that this included nurturing behaviors like bringing food and drinks to meetings, and expressing other characteristics that I’ve heard described as “soft skills” by HR pros. I figured I’d missed that in the job description.

You see, I was working in high-tech, and for over a decade I’d painstakingly stamped out any semblance of femininity in my work. After earning a Master’s degree in physics, a field in which women are almost as scarce as on-time schedules, I’d entered the high-tech engineering world, a profession with an equally abysmal track record of attracting women. Why on earth would I want to associate myself—in any way—with anything female in my work? I was sure I would appear weak and ineffective to my colleagues, and quite possibly my salary would decrease.

Maybe I was being a little paranoid, but until recently, I have done my best to ignore the gender issue in my career. I’ve steered clear of “radical feminism,” and I most certainly didn’t want to be perceived as “nurturing.” However, this past year I’ve been working on a book project, Scrappy Women in Business, which prompted me to reflect on the role of women in the workplace, and my own experience as a female in a predominantly male work environment. As a result of this, and the changing nature of the work environment, I’ve come to value what my colleague’s wife called my “feminine power.” But my initial hesitation wasn’t completely unfounded, given the research on women in the workplace.

Even If I’m Not Nurturing, Chances Are People Will Think I Am

It turns out that it might not matter whether I am nurturing or not—being a woman, it’s likely that I will beperceived as nurturing by CEOs and other top executives. Catalyst, the leading global nonprofit dedicated to expanding opportunities for women in business, published a study in 2005 under the intriguing titleWomen “Take Care,” Men “Take Charge:” Stereotyping of U.S. Business Leaders Exposed. Their research demonstrated that, although women and men often lead in similar ways, they are perceived very differently by both male and female senior executives. Regardless of the reality, women are perceived to be better at supporting and rewarding while men are perceived to be better at delegating and influencing upward.

Unfortunately, these unconscious biases impact the perception of competence and fitness for promotion, though with the growing emphasis on teamwork and collaboration these days, I’m not sure in which direction. We can, however, measure the results by observing the difference in participation of women and men at various levels in the professional world, and in the relative compensation of women and men.

Just Because You’re Paranoid Doesn’t Mean People Aren’t Out to Get You

Back in the 1970′s women represented only 10% of the musicians in an orchestra. That number has risen over the years to over 35%, and a Princeton University study in 2000 found that a big chunk of that gain was due to the switch to blind auditions. When the decision-makers can’t see whether the musician is a women or a man, more women are hired. A study by The Anita Borg Institute on the recruitment, retention, and advancement of technical women found that women are sometimes preferentially eliminated during the resume review process, even if the interview process is unbiased. Another study specifically comparing evaluations of resumes by randomly assigning a woman’s name found that resumes bearing a woman’s name were rated lower by both women and men. (Perhaps women should use initials instead of first names on resumes, or hiring managers should have the names masked before reviewing them.)

Of course we’re all biased in many ways. All human beings are. Our assumptions and beliefs unconsciously influence our decisions, and our brains are clever enough to keep this process hidden from us so that we think we are making rational decisions based on the facts. Don’t think you’re biased? You can find out in about 15 minutes. Harvard University’s “Project Implicit®” provides a test in exchange for using your data in their studies. You will be randomly assigned one of a variety of bias studies, but you can repeat the process to experience them all. Based on experimenting with this several years ago, I found that I have a slight tendency to associate technical topics with women. Go figure!

According to US Department of Labor statistics, only 10% of employed engineers were women at the turn of the century (2001). And while the salary differential in engineering has largely disappeared, the employment differential remains large in all but the life sciences. Even project management remains a profession with some degree of gender disparity, in both employment and pay. The 2010 PMI Salary Survey suggests that only 40% of US project managers are women (based on survey respondents), and that the salaries of women project managers are “considerably lower” than that typical for men (about 10%). Karen Klein’s 2005 article “It’s a Women’s World, Too” does make the point that women are entering the project management profession at rates around double that of men, but still acknowledges that female project managers face barriers to success that are peculiar to women, such as excessive humility and a tendency towards self-criticism.

The Road to the Top Winds Uphill All the Way

In spite of the possible risk, and because I’m past typical childbearing age (something executives admit is a real barrier for women in hiring and promotion in off-the-record true confessions), I’m less inclined to eschew my feminine qualities in my work these days. I’ve found that these qualities have become increasingly valued for their importance in delivering extraordinary business results. The incredible diversity of teams, increased focus on alliances and partnerships, the growth of open innovation, crowd-sourcing, and collaboration on a massive scale (facilitated by the internet), have all made people keenly aware of the power of group genius and the importance of a more collaborative style of leadership. I’ve noticed that the work I do as a project manager increasingly involves facilitating interaction rather than giving direction; perhaps it was always about that and I just didn’t notice because I was suppressing my nurturing side.

It turns out that female versions of leadership improve bottom line business results. In a 2004 Catalyst study, companies with a higher proportion of women on their top management teams enjoyed a 35% greater ROE (Return on Equity) than those with the lowest. Although I’m wary of the trap of stereotypes, in the past couple of years I began to wonder if maybe women and men really do lead in some fundamentally different way. And, with more profit at stake, I hope it’s something that can be learned by anyone, even nurturing-averse me.

There are plenty of pop psychology discussions about gender differences, including the somewhat unimaginatively titled “Are Women Better Project Managers Than Men” on the Toolbox for IT Project and Program Management Blog. Puh-LEESE! This kind of conversation is similar to my Japanese friends asking me to describe Americans. “Which one?” I ask. Like all simplistic questions, the answer to whether men or women are better project managers is, “It depends.” It depends on which woman, or which man, and which project, and in which situation. While statistics can help us understand trends in the aggregate, it’s foolish to apply that data to any specific individual or situation. Those who carelessly apply averages to individuals do both parties an injustice. Let’s not deepen the gender divide by participating in these kinds of debates. Instead, let’s look at facts.

Is there gender bias at work in project management, and the business world in general? In my project leadership role I make it a practice to focus on the results produced, not the intentions of my team. Customers care about results, not intentions. I think the same approach may work well in this situation. I have no real way of knowing whether there is bias in the process, but I do know that there is a difference in the outcome—the participation and compensation of women relative to men. The measurable data from Catalyst certainly demonstrate a disparity:

Percentage of women in the U.S. labor force: 46.3%
Percentage of women in management, professional and related occupations: 50.6%
Percentage of female Fortune 500 corporate officers: 15.4%
Percentage of female Fortune 500 board seats: 14.8%
Percentage of female Fortune 500 top earners: 6.7%
Percentage of female Fortune 500 CEOs: 2.4%

Of course, root cause analysis is important, but the root cause of being overweight has been well known for years and still I can’t lose 5 kilograms. I personally don’t care whether the remaining disparities between women and men in project management—and the business world in general—are a result of accident, unconscious bias, or a devious plot. The causes no longer interest me. Making and measuring progress does. What’s measured tends to get attention, and frequently improves.

The Coming Shortfall in Working Age Population in the Developed World

Based on a report by the Stanford Center on Longevity, (PDF) it looks to me like it’s in all of our best interests to make workplaces more attractive to human beings in general, and—in fields where they are under-represented—to women in particular. In a decade or two, the shortage of working-age people will be an economic crisis in some parts of the world. Japan and Germany in particular will face at least a 20 percent shortage in the coming decades. (That’s why I don’t worry about women’s equality in the workplace in Japan—it’s coming!) We’ll need everyone’s participation if businesses are going to successfully meet the challenges facing humanity.

The Anita Borg Institute found that technical women leave their companies in mid-career at twice the rate of men. (Read more about this and the reasons why in this PDF if you like.) Companies are losing women, especially at the mid-career stage. Catalyst reported that women cite four major reasons why companies lose female talent: “lack of flexibility (51%); glass ceiling issues (29%); unhappiness with work environment (28%); and feeling unchallenged in their jobs (22%). Only 5% report being downsized and only 3% say they were victims of sexual harassment.”

Of course, the workplace isn’t all that hospitable to men either. A 2007 Gallup Institute study on wellbeing concluded that 77% of all workers hate their jobs. HATE! Wow. That’s much worse than being unhappy with the work environment or feeling unchallenged in a job. I’m no expert at organizational development or the link between worker satisfaction and profit, but I’m guessing this is NOT good for project success or bottom line profits. A little more nurturing probably wouldn’t hurt any of us, or our chances for project success either.

If Being More Nurturing Will Increase Project Success, Bring on the Nurturing!

I was educated as a scientist, and if I were just looking at past data I’d conclude that expressing my so-called feminine side in the high-tech business world would put me at a bit of a disadvantage. But that’s kind of like driving while only gazing into the rearview mirror. With almost everyone hating their jobs, increased emphasis on collaboration, and the coming shortfall in skilled workers, I’m thinking that a more nurturing work environment is going to be a competitive advantage.

In fact, I’ve been experimenting with a more nurturing approach in my work in Japan, and it’s yielding excellent results: noticeably improved performance in various individuals, faster response to my requests, and more enjoyable working relationships. It’s working so well that I’m tempted to try it out on this continent. My only concern is whether it’s possible to be both scrappy and nurturing at the same time. Considering the potential 35% higher ROE, I’ll have to give it a go purely for financial reasons.

Nurturingly yours,

– Kimberly

AVOID TEAM WORK!

-          Well, only if you don’t NEED a team, of course!  If you can accomplish the goals without investing your time and energy into building a team, avoid working in a team.  Teams should only be used to accomplish what cannot be accomplished alone.  If you are playing a game that only a team can win, you’d better have a team!

“If you want to go fast, go alone.  If you want to go far, go with others.” – African Proverb

CHOOSE TEAMMATES CAREFULLY

-          OK, we don’t always have a choice of who’s on our team.  But, your individual success will be tied to the success of the team, so when you do have a choice, be selective in choosing teammates.  Personality clashes and lack of shared values are a recipe for lots of angst and very little progress.  I’ve quit plenty of teams, and even jobs, to escape torturous teammates.  Life is just too short!

ESTABLISH TEAM “WORKING-TOGETHER” AGREEMENTS

-          Some people think you can simply rely on common sense as a guideline of how to behave in a team.  Not true!  As I’ve muttered many times, “Common sense is not common practice!”  You must explicitly establish expectations and norms, including roles, how long it will take to respond to emails and phone calls, and what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.  I recently had to explain to someone that attributing my business success to my good looks was not acceptable.  (He’s a friend, and didn’t mean any harm by his comments, and neither did I as I smacked him upside the head!)

DON’T CONFUSE A GROUP WITH A TEAM!

-          Merely having more than 1 person working together does not automatically make a team.  Among other things, groups of people can be mobs, or apathetic, disconnected collections of humans.  Teams have shared goals and a commitment to those goals that is stronger than their individual motives.  Teams care about their mutual success.  Teams of people trust each other, and work together for the greater good, even when individuals have an axe to grind with each other.

TREAD CAREFULLY!  RELATIONSHIPS LAST LONGER THAN THE PROJECTS, JOB, . . . AND SOME COMPANIES

-          The relationships you build with people on your team will likely be with you long after the project ends, long after you all move on to different jobs, and sometimes even beyond the end of the company (at least this is true in Silicon Valley, USA!).  Treat each other with dignity and respect.  Follow through on your action items.  Return their phone calls promptly.  Answer emails in a friendly and timely way.   It is a very small world, and you may need to rely on these relationships in the future for your continued success.  And your reputation will follow you from one team to the next.  Treat your team members as valued colleagues who will be with you for a lifetime.  Even if you don’t work directly with these same people, your reputation will be spread by what they say about you.

TEAM – Together Everyone Achieves More,  – Kimberly Wiefling, Author, Scrappy Project Management